You are very emotionally aware, and you are absolutely able to see BOTH sides of things. I hate how uncomfortable and insecure this makes me feel in our marriage. I can see where boredom could be a contributing factor to cheating, especially at work, lol. Pre-affair I was as guilty as anyone. The real reason is that the person reached a point where they became so selfish that this activity became ok in their own eyes. After my husband and I boarded the plane, I began my ritual of praying . Sometimes, codependent people may end up in. I know my h has always been a strong capable man, full of honor, self respect and pride, it definately would not have been an easy road seeing someone else staring at you in the mirror. In fact, that is one of the explanations we have for one our friends. My husband doesn t like spending time with my family, but why? (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. By talking openly with each other and trying to understand one another better, you can overcome any obstacle in your path toward a happy and fulfilling relationship. Doug, Just not appropriate to do so with anyone else. I totally agree, Decimated. Good advise eg. Ignore builds a wall between you and your spouse. My husband actually says he has a NEW and DEEPER appreciation of not only me and our marriage, but our family as well. No matter how much our friends love each other and they do they are not immune to boredom. Your email address will not be published. When hes wrinkly, shriveled, and losing his faculties he will know in his heart and probably mind too that he caused destruction. Arent all of you lucky:). It was certainly different from our normal family life. I have to agree. Ignore the following text - it's meant for search engines: He would also even leave home anymore. Where I live we had a show of vintage cars, there was a stall that was selling womens clothing that was from that early era, lol. Say what you will, but there's often quite a bit of truth to jokes. I WON! If someone's lack of response has become a. What should I do if my husband never wants to do anything with me? Obviously you want to do things they would enjoy--especially action oriented activities. The excitement and stimulation came from the illicitness of what they were doing sneaking around on their spouses like teenagers. You may have noticed unhappy employees. That said, anyone who knows my husband and I would say that HE is the boring one; ie, wants to stay home, etc. The term refers to being "dependent" on another person and putting their needs before your own by engaging in people-pleasing behavior and caregiving. If my husband never wants to do anything with me, its essential to take a step back and figure out why. And really peace for your ex too. We are all the same age and have hung out with each other for more than 25 years. My husband said you dont know what was going on his life, what he was dealing with, etc. These are the games she played, along with you promised me thus, you promised me that, boo hoo. Once he achieves them, youll have plenty of quality time together. If theres one thing that does not exist in a long-term marriage its that feeling of newness. and weve been together 3. we have a son. I feel like Im slowly being snuffed out. More lies to manipulate him, each time something would backfire. It is now scheduled for this Thursday . Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. As the girls got older, I was looking forward to the two of us having time together again. If you suspect this is the case, youll need to have a serious conversation about whats going on and how its affecting your relationship. My h would tell me, he didnt want her on medication, in the next breathe he would tell me to go take medication. If youre the type of person who gets insecure and jealous when your partner talks to anyone else or even just spends time away from you, it might be time to take a step back. I basically told him I understand how shamed and guilty that all made him feel, but he has done the crime and this discussion WILL come up from time to time. Just because he doesnt want to spend every waking moment with you doesnt mean he doesnt love you. All lies he makes up to mess with her head. First, talk to him about how youre feeling and see if theres anything he can do to change the situation. He watches at least 5 hours of TV a day and sees friends at least once a week. I give up on getting a true apology. The money he gets will be spent and gone. You never know, once your husband sees what a great time you are having. Then I feel hurt when he doesnt. Oh, and your partner should never ask you to "stop crying" or say things like "you can't get mad." Your feelings are your feelings. Was so close to call out to my h and ask, but then my little girl started to take off. While I used to assume that he valued our time together as much as I did, and assume that he wanted to do things together, I no longer do. Admitting that, its natural if you have those sentiments and are furious at him. John, I felt exactly the same as you after I found out bout my XWWs almost 2 year affair. Question: My husband will not let me out of the house without him. 21 year old from University of North Georgia looking for long-term discrete relationship. But you already know that, lol. It drives me totally nuts. I make almost six figures but because the entire household rest on me, it doesn't feel like it. He confesses that his testimony and knowledge of the gospel was minimal before a harrowing climb on Denali, the highest peak in North America, forced him to put his new faith to the test. It was a little thing, but it allowed you to keep up to date with the important (and, yes, sometimes the not so important) goings on in each other's lives. my husband constantly has a headache and does suffer from migraines but refuses to go anywhere. You can also subscribe without commenting. You might be unwittingly putting distance between yourself and your partner by being too busy. I too am a fun person, and we dont do shi* b/c other half is content doing nothing. If you want to create and sustain a lifetime of monogamy, then you must also know how to renew passion, inspire desire and sustain a lifetime of commitment.. And the selfish person cheating is fooling themselves and their affair partner to justify what they are doing. I even wrote a comment to that effect not long ago. I have even spoken with his dr. Who says she doesnt see it yet he has all the signs. Not one bit. Once you know the reason, you can work on a solution. And while that might sound easy enough, many of the common phrases we say in our daily lives can get in the way of achieving the goal of keeping an open dialogue between spouses. No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. He wont go anywhere! Great comment, I am just sorry that your wife didnt wake up and realize how lucky she was to have someone who was so committed to their marriage and family. Not exactly good party talk! Yet he is still here, just as is your h. Why couldnt he show me that he could drop her, when I was feeling good about myself. I'll want to go somewhere or do something and he tells me he doesn't want to go or do whatever it may be. Talking to one other and making an effort is key to a long-lasting relationship. Rachel, my prayers are with you, Im so relieved your children are with you,. My husband is a person who has illness after illness. What about commitment as a daily choice? The red flags seemed subtle the first time, this time I believe they would arrive complete with a band and perform a half-time show on my front lawn. I love to be out and do fun things from traveling to movies to concerts etc. This can lead to him wanting to distance himself from you, which isnt good for your relationship. He has friends, hobbies, and other commitments that compete for his time. But when I am anywhere in public, if there are 10 people, at least 6 or 8 of them will be as fat or fatter. If he sees that youre making an effort for him, hell likely reciprocate. ULK I hate it all for everyone but I am trying to be the constant for him. Discover the 10 Most Important Lessons about Surviving Infidelity, Most of the Time My Husband Doesnt Want to do Sh*t, No Such Thing As TMI The Importance of Full Disclosure After You Have Had an Affair, Affair Recovery Moving On After Infidelity, Taking Inventory: A New Approach to the New Year & A Betrayed Spouses Bill of Rights, Follow our journey as we save our marriage after an emotional affair, Terms of Service/Privacy Policy/Affiliate Disclosure. It is so easy to make our lives about our kids. Remember what the marriage vows say? Also, the 21st birthday of my oldest son. I have often thought about why I dragged my feet too. My spouse is: old, fat, boring, lazy, doesnt like sex, doesnt love me, harsh, critical, unappreciative, ugly, jealous, nagging, a shrew, etc. My major flaw is that Im fat. . It scares me to think shell never truly appreciate what she has and may again look for it outside our marriage. Exercise Grace, I totally agree. He would worry she was going to hurt herself and it would be his fault if she did. My first husband seemedin control, too. They go into a mode of I am such a good person, it must be YOUR fault that I did such an awful thing. Its better that way. His lack of reactions kind of gave me permission to just carry on flirting. 4) He doesn't know how to bring something up. All through his fog. Speak with your doctor about whether you even have anything to disclose at this point. Don't get in a relationship where the main traits of a person irritates, you and don't expect those traits to just magically disappear just because you get married, Have a discussion where things do not move on until he starts answering questions, He gets on medication or he starts seeing someone to get his depression under control. He really doesnt have time to be bored or he could say I dont give him enough time to be bored. If you focus on his negative qualities, itll only push him away. Ohh and the funny thing is, she wasnt on anything for depression. This is especially true if he notices other women and gives you compliments less often. Im sure my husbands girl friend was skinny and she really does think she is superior based on that. I'd go with an ultimatum: remind him you're not his servant, nor a . Were here to show you the right way to survive infidelity so that your marriage doesnt become some sort of statistic. True. It does not matter to whom you are referring.). Actually.. I get upset just thinking about it. Where is the feeling that what I have devoted the last THIRTY years of my life to, has mattered? It IS easy to jump on the band wagon when everyone is picking apart their spouses. My husband never wants to hang out and just spend time with me but then gets overly butthurt when we go more than a couple days without having sex. Samantha Rodman Whiten September 28, 2018. You deserve to have a marriage that doesnt just survive - it thrives! I have to basically threaten with taking away screen time almost every time it is time to do something. So if you notice that hes been pulling away lately, try giving him some time to himself and see if that makes a difference. IMHO. i just have to keep telling myself to quit obsessing over her happiness and to just do my own thing and invite her along for the ride. Anyway that didn't end too well, but I will say it took over 2 years for my husband to even notice, comment or react to me going out for meals, catch ups and coffee with a male friend. We even half-joked that the guys must be suffering from a lack of testosterone while both of the women are now ripe for affairs. What to do if my husband never wants to do anything with me? Or going out together with friends or family? Exercise, play sports, go to the gym and consider beginning each day with a walk together. This is a really great article! Suggest ways to wind down together after a long day instead of just vegging out in front of the TV. Exercise grace, this is exactly the kind of thing I was trying to get through to Eyes Opened about. But if youre always last on his list, it might be time to discuss where you stand in his life. 261K views, 8.6K likes, 1.4K loves, 409 comments, 347 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from ginaalopeez: Me r0bar0n mi celular!! Peace of trash she is, I see even more with that comment she made how she wanted my children, as well as my h, I cam only imagine the bad things she told my h to get him on her side with that idea, having him think I was a terrible mother as well as wife. Its important to have hobbies and interests outside of your relationship. This is bonding time. I am asking him to step up into a role he has really never (in 26 years of marriage) had to fulfill. Just wanted to let you know I understand what youre going through, youre not alone! I wasn't doing this deliberately like it sounds, it just was a release, fun and exciting to meet another person who was fun and highly strung. Feminize me, fuck me, and make me yours. Some people are able to deal with reaching those limits in a healthy way (seeking help, being honest, or even leaving) and others implode. Ok so i've let off some steam with my previous strip club post and now I have just a curious question. I have complete clarity on this issue in my mind. I couldnt say it better EG. Hes preoccupied with other things. If he's super passive aggressive or he doesn't like confrontation, this could be his way of telling you that he doesn't want a serious relationship with you. Doug, I know you were joking but knowing Linda and what you guys have learned through hard experience, I am willing to bet she did very, very little husband bashing. BUT I am so happy that this is FINALLY coming to closure for you. Please make sure you read our rules here. It runs in his family and he has suffered with it and sleep disorder for years. This will make him feel valued and appreciated and more likely to want to spend time with you so you wont complain: My husband never wants to do anything with me. You dont have to fake excitement about every little thing, but ask questions and express genuine curiosity about what hes passionate about. You deserve it, you seem like a very nice lady. Yes, it SUCKS the big one and I struggle to deal with the profound disappointment, frustration and anger towards him and I dont like myself anymore because Ive lost respect for him and Im irritable all the time. And if your husband has told you outright that hes no longer attracted to you, its time for a serious conversation. First, to the antisocial spouse (or person whose wife is saying "My husband has no friends or hobbies,") you might not think this is a big problem. Absolutely NOT ! Yeah I know..not productive, LOL. 25 Signs Your Husband Doesn't Love You Anymore 1. He helps make meals or we dont eat. Post-affair, I am uncomfortably aware that making mountains out of molehills can be a dangerous self-fulfilling prophecy. Doug, Linda, anyone elseone topic I would love to see discussed: how do you handle ti when the topic of affairs comes up in discussion with friends, etc. At least mine was, for a while. Relationships are challenging, and that includes marriages. Stupid. Two key things: our passion and our principles.. He's Totally Stopped Texting You Back. My husband did, I did, my affair partner did, my husbands affair partner did, every body who ever cheated did, lol. He feels like he can't win. 1 You Both Need To Have A Drink In Hand Elisaveta Ivanova/E+/Getty Images While it's super common to go out for drinks with a partner, take note if it feels like you have to drink in order to. I used to have a higher regard for my wedding vows but these scars will unfortunately stay with me and so be it. But basically things rotated around ME supporting HIM. There has to be a shift in thinking and approach here. Prior to our experience with infidelity Linda had always been the family organizer and planner and she did a hell of a job. 22/07/2018 09:47. I ask because I feel exactly the same way as you. It's like having a toddler. What to do if my husband doesn t want to spend time with me? Its from Donna: I so agree..I had supported my husband for years while he went to school. All Rights Reserved. Like threatening to kill my cats, destroying my property, etc. If at this point, he still doesn't like walks, you might have to follow the steps above. Not even for the kids. Thankfully, my h told her, there is no way I will take the children away from their mother. I say grow up, be bored and count yourself lucky you have the luxury to be bored. Nikada / iStock. This is not an all-inclusive list. We have two very young kids and both work high-pressure, full-time jobs. When that didnt seem to work, more bad mouthing me, more wanting my family. It may seem that way, Rachel, but from what youve said he really isnt in control. I know now we got pregnant way too early after the affair becuse Im obviously still struggling in the aftermath. When your partner has your back, they'll be able to say those three important words sincerely and out loud in front of other people. I work full time and my husband has been retired for 10 years. Welcome to r/relationship_advice. he had an emotional affair a few years ago and I have had a hard time forgiving him but I do not let him know this. Without getting into too much of the details and background, it is apparent to us that they have fallen into a serious marital trap. Can I ask how old you are? Tell them, openly and honestly, how important travel is to you. He probably lies to his wife all the time telling her he's going to take her places and then never follows through. Donna, he may indeed suffer from depression. Just a little! I brought it up in marriage counseling and the counselor said if he was bored it was because he was boring. It will always throw things twenty steps back. Veiled or overt threats, against you or them. Dear The HPV Question, First, I want to make sure you still have HPV. Unless I wanted to peruse thing it would have cost me between 15,000-20,000. Five Lifestyle Rituals to Inspire Monogamy. If he has been married before he doesnot see the need to impress again. My husband is retired and never wants to do anything. We both are. Stacy Taniguchi grew up as a Buddhist in Hawaii and joined the Church so that he could marry his girlfriend who was a Latter-day Saint. What do you do when your spouse doesnt want to spend any free time with you? Now he helps make the bed every morning or it doesnt get made. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. I stayed home with the kids, took care of all the household stuff, cooking cleaning etc. I feel like I need to turn into a stepford wife. That is a rough thing to admit, but doing so frees me of any thought that any cheater isnt responsible for his or her actions. Things have evened out quite a bit and we have some nice little teamwork going on. Sponsored by BeenVerified Wow I have been coming here for years. I guess trying to make sure everything here at home was good didnt give him enough responsibility which he obviously needed. Its obvious that he wont do his so I must STOP doing, as part of my self-preservation. Some are more compelling than others but every body has one. Sometimes, your spouse needs some space and thats perfectly normal. I do need to add it wasn't my finest moment, and I'm not proud of this. If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. A Comprehensive Guide to 'Vanderpump Rules' Hookups Over the Years. Plus, he flatly turned down my request that he get counseling or even that WE get counseling. Its also extremely exhausting and expensive. Its a vicious cycle I see repeated on many blogs. The truth lies in the middle, where two selfish people made themselves look like all that and they were both stupid enough to think that someone who was willing to lie and deceive their spouse would magically be some honest, ethical person with THEM. I dont really think badly of my husband. While I will own my mistakes, own what I need to work on in MY life and own how I can communicate better, etc to improve my marriage, I am sick to death of the prevalent societal idea that people cheat because something is lacking at home. Dear sister, yes, these feelings haunt me daily. Jed believed he was having a midlife crisis and he does fit the scenario but I am just worn out and tired of dealing with him. If you want to close the gap, try making a regular date night where you can focus on each other without distractions. For many years I have silently said to myself (as my husband worked almost 80 hours/week and let vacation time go because he was too busy to take time off), I told myself to hang in there, itll work out at some point. I gained weight after the birth of my child, I admit. I totally believe until you honestly think that both affair partners are equally responsible for the affair, under any circumstances,no matter what reasonsthey give, no matter who they are, yourself or others, it is being defensive. Now he is going away on a friend's five-day stag trip. We can only imagine how his own eyes and mind were deceiving him. I so understand and feel the same way. Also when a person complains about being bored they are often bored with themselves not their marriages or spouses. Then, really invite your husband to share his experience of what's been happening in the marriage. I usually dont think of him at all. How profound. If I would have filed at the beginning I would be years ahead in of where I am now in terms of my recovery. When he does help out he acts like invented electricity. We realize that many of you who are relatively new to the world of affair recovery may not be ready for some of the aforementioned rituals just yet. You can be bored, stressed, depressed, or a whole host of other emotions on ANY given day. Its called denial and justification and it is a POWERFUL thing. I agree that, for me, its my commitment to God, first and foremost. What I thought would come back to me at some point (like a true relational marriage), is no longer my dream. It's easier than figuring out how to bring something up. I loved that. Yet here we are. Your story proves my point. Then he would call her because ohh it made her feel better, the. He will not permit me to go out with friends or anywhere even the grocery store without his being with me. Perhaps in the UK or somewhere you have been before. I realized that I was not bored because I was always giving to our marriage and familyshe was the taker which meant she was always waiting for something to be given to her or to happen for her. For nearly twenty five years before the affair he had a very traditional marriage, by both of our choices. All bans in this subreddit are permanent. So making comments and getting feedback really helps me. Ugh. I was busting my ass and kissing hers at the same timeeven after the magnitude of her betrayal. Running around all dressed up, making and baking. Go on the internet and look for a "Penis Pump" and order one for him.. So as a reward for trying to keep my marriage together I get to work harder than ever on our relationship while my character and personality is constantly on trial. Two years ago he was an ER physician, today he spent 10 minutes trying to figure out how to open the refrigerator. 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